2011

whoooo...what a year. right? i dont know about you, but im happy 2010 is over. it has been one of the hardest years to get through.i guess you can say that i have changed alot since the last time i posted a blog. lets just say that i fell off track, i gave my all to someone & they walked all over me. im newly single now, & even though its almost been a whole month, i still dont kno how i feel about it. i catch myself thanking myself that im not with him, i try to remember all the bad things that made me want to leave him in the 1st place, but i only seem to remember how much i loved him & how it felt to lay next to him everynight. they only way i kno how to stop thinking about it is by putting myself down because i only got myself to blame. i chose to love him by myself. and even though i hate this fuckin saying, "what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger" (no matter how bad you feel like your were gonna die). the sleepless nights & the harsh feeling of being alone everyday is slowly fading away. i can finally sit next to a phone without picking it up and trying to call him. if he wasnt as heartless as he is, i would never get over him, i would still be waiting around for things to change & get better. but like my freakin head, its all about julian. lol my family is going through its own shit. we may not have it all together, but together we have it all. most of yall who know me, know my big brother randy, i posted a blog "HEART OF A GANGSTA" well hes currantly looking at 10 years in prison. were really close, so im trying to wrap my mind around it. 10 years!? i could be married with kids in 10 years. its like everything is happening at once. like they say when it rains it pours...but like i was saying, im glad its a new year, i dont know if things are going to change & get better, but i will say i got the chance to get back on my feet & worry about ME for a change. fuck what everyone is talking about, its time to get myself in line & look past all the bullshit holding me back. i only got myself, & once i give up on ME, THEN i kno i have nothing left.

FREE MY GANGSTA LIL MEX!

-sint

advice of the day: if your going through hell, just keep going!