the heart of a gangsta (my brother randy)

if there is anyone in this world i pray for most, its my brother randy. his soul is lost && i dont think he even knows where to find it. but he was not always that way, when i was younger growing up, my brothers were all i had, besides my sister, i never really felt comfortable around anyone else. i have two older brothers && one older sister, && then its me (the baby). && boy did randy ever treat me like one. i remember him growing up as this kid, who was given nothing, and had to learn from the beginning that nothing was handed over, if he wanted something bad enough, he had to figure out how to get it. he knew how to hold his own && wasnt planning on taking crap from anyone. i admired his passion && complimented his strengths. if i ever respected anyone, it was him. because he was the type that could walk into a room && just light it up with his personality && made peoples problems go aways because he was too busy making them laugh. you could see it in his eyes how much he cared, then one day, when i was younger, my brother caught a case && was sentenced to 5 yrs in prison. how do you get use to having someone everyday of your life, to not being able to hug them && tell them face to face that you love them? 5 yrs he faught for respect, && felt like he had nothing to show for how hard he worked just to say he had something. 5 yrs of his life, gone. && what did he have to show for it? just a bunch of prison tattoos && a "fuck you" attitude. the brother i known all my life was gone, and the one who came back to me was nothing but a gangsta. heartless because thats what hes known for so long. i wish i could go back to that day, when he was sentenced && tell him that he should keep his faith && remember that i love him. i want to go back to that day && hug him && tell him that were in this together. i wish i could tell him how different he was gonna be when he came out. hes so lost in this world, hes just mad all the time && no one understands him, they think hes just a thug with no mission in life. but thats not him though. because i can still see him (the person he really is) when i look into his eyes. you cant hold someone down like that, you cant just tell him that he wont amount to anything, because i know in my heart that hes destined for greatness. i can feel it && i believe in him that much. hes not perfect && he cant always explain his actions, but i pray for him because i love him && i will never give up on him. everyone gets thrown off track, && i believe that if he gives it enough time && patience, he will make it. he has too. its hard to understand the heart of a gangsta, especially when he was never that to begin with. everyone sees him as what he is now, but i can still see the brother who made sure i was safe && protected. nothing can change my mind about him, not even him. i love him && thats enough for me. i have faith that he will find himself, because if not, then everything i ever believed in was just a lie. well til blog meets thought again. be safe && god bless.

-sint*



advice of the day:

when you accept people for what they turned into, is like another way of saying you gave up on the person you once knew && loved. maybe all they need, is to know that one person sees that there still the same person.