040210

SOME PEOPLE SAY THE HARDEST PART IS LETTING GO, BUT I HONESTLY THINK, ITS CONTINUING TO LET GO THATS REALLY HARD. SURE HE MADE YOU SMARTER, & STRONGER, BUT SOMETIMES THAT MAKES THE WHOLE SITUATION WORSE. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO HURT YOU OR LIE TO YOU IN ORDER FOR US TO GET THAT WAY. WHY DO THEY KILL EVERYTHING WE USE TO BE, & LEAVE US TO WHERE WE CANT RECONGNIZE OURSELF. I DONT KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE. I GUESS WHEN THEY SAY DONT GIVE SOMEONE EVERYTHING, BECAUSE WHEN THERE GONE YOU HAVE NOTHING, ITS TRUE. ITS ALWAYS EASY TO FORGET, WALK AWAY & NOT GIVE A FUCK (HE PROVED THAT) ITS THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, STARING AT THE CLOCK & WATCHING TIME FLY BY, ITS TRYIN TO GET USE TO BEING ALONE & WORRYING ABOUT YOURSELF FOR ONCE. ITS FINALLY BEING ABOUT TO HEAR ABOUT HIM & THAT SICK TO YOUR STOMACH FEELING DONT ALMOST MAKE YOU LOOSE IT. & EVEN AT THE TIME, WHERE YOUR HURTING THE MOST, & YOU SWEAR ON EVERYTHING THAT YOUR GOING TO DIE, YOU EVENTUALLY LEARN THAT LIFE KEEPS GOING. SURE HIS PROMISES DONT MEAN SHIT ANYMORE, & YOU GAVE UP EVERYTHING YOU COULD & HE STILL WRECK CHOPPED ON YOUR HEART, YEA IT HURTS, SO MUCH THAT I WOULDNT WISH THAT SHIT ON ANYONE, NOT EVEN HIM. ITS EASY FOR EVERYONE TO SAY "TAKE IT AS A LESSON LEARNED" OR "WHATS MEANT TO BE WILL ALWAYS FIND ITS WAY", JUST CUT THE BULLSHIT & UNDERSTAND, HE WASNT GOOD FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU CANT HURT SOMEONE YOU LOVE...IMMA BE THE 1ST PERSON TO SAY NO MATTER WHAT YOUR WILLING TO LOOSE TO STAY IN LOVE, ALWAYS MAKE SURE ITS WORTH THE LOSS LATER IN THE LONG RUN. KEEP YOUR GUARD UP & DONT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HEAR. THEY CAN SAY ALOT OF SHIT, BUT DONT EVER LIVE UP TO THEIR OWN WORDS. ITS BETTER TO HURT, NEVER LOOK BACK & EVENTUALLY GET OVER IT, THEN TO WASTE YOUR LIFE, TRYING TO MAKE A LIFE & GIVE SO MUCH, YOU HAVE NOTHING LEFT IN THE END. NOT EVEN YOUR PEACE OF MIND, BECAUSE YOUR STUCK WITH ALL THE MEMORIES, THAT REPLAY AT THE MOST RANDOM MOMMENTS. ON THE COOL I WISH THERE WAS AN OFF BUTTOM YOU COULD PUSH, WHERE EVERYTHING JUST GOES AWAY. LIFE DONT WORK THAT WAY, RELATIONSHIPS DONT WORK THAT WAY, HELL NOTHING DOES. PAIN JUST REMINDS YOU THAT YOU AINT DEAD YET, & HIM, WELL HE JUST MAKES YOU WISH YOU WERE...

-SINT

advice of the day: LOVE HURTS, DONT EXPECT TO PLAY AROUND FIRE & NOT GET BURNED.

2011

whoooo...what a year. right? i dont know about you, but im happy 2010 is over. it has been one of the hardest years to get through.i guess you can say that i have changed alot since the last time i posted a blog. lets just say that i fell off track, i gave my all to someone & they walked all over me. im newly single now, & even though its almost been a whole month, i still dont kno how i feel about it. i catch myself thanking myself that im not with him, i try to remember all the bad things that made me want to leave him in the 1st place, but i only seem to remember how much i loved him & how it felt to lay next to him everynight. they only way i kno how to stop thinking about it is by putting myself down because i only got myself to blame. i chose to love him by myself. and even though i hate this fuckin saying, "what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger" (no matter how bad you feel like your were gonna die). the sleepless nights & the harsh feeling of being alone everyday is slowly fading away. i can finally sit next to a phone without picking it up and trying to call him. if he wasnt as heartless as he is, i would never get over him, i would still be waiting around for things to change & get better. but like my freakin head, its all about julian. lol my family is going through its own shit. we may not have it all together, but together we have it all. most of yall who know me, know my big brother randy, i posted a blog "HEART OF A GANGSTA" well hes currantly looking at 10 years in prison. were really close, so im trying to wrap my mind around it. 10 years!? i could be married with kids in 10 years. its like everything is happening at once. like they say when it rains it pours...but like i was saying, im glad its a new year, i dont know if things are going to change & get better, but i will say i got the chance to get back on my feet & worry about ME for a change. fuck what everyone is talking about, its time to get myself in line & look past all the bullshit holding me back. i only got myself, & once i give up on ME, THEN i kno i have nothing left.

FREE MY GANGSTA LIL MEX!

-sint

advice of the day: if your going through hell, just keep going!